Labels: move on
I read his pyschological biography recently and I found some similarities between us. From the author's point of view, Mr Van Gogh yearned for intimacy. He depicted his yearning in his paintings by drawing couples and Starry Night Over The Rhone is one of my favorite. His starry night series are his more popular paintings and needless to say they are my favorites too. Cafe Terrace At Night in particular, has captivated my soul. I'm mesmerized by the bright yellow used ( I like yellow) and it seems that his paintings have some sort of hypnotizing spell!!! 
Despite so, what capture my attention most is the melancholy found in his paintings. His paintings showed me distances I have with the people around me. He was that distant and that unapproachable. It makes me feel so familiar with my aloofness. Haven't I yearned for caresses? During the night, yes deep in the night, such an empty me. Why wouldn't I envy those who are always in pairs? I'm a human, I'm a woman after all. But I hate to admit, I don't know why.. but the feeling seriously sucks to the core. Perhaps that's why I am so deeply in love with Vincent Van Gogh, he is such is a pathetically romantic artist.
I used to think if i were to leave this place and study overseas, I could see my 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 25th.....birthdays celebrating alone. I have not cut a birthday cake since I was 19. Does anybody knows how hard have I tried to break this stupid birthday curse of mine? It's not plain superstitious because I was proven wrong for more than twice. So better don't try it again. Life is so absurd because love is not the only thing that fills up a person's heart, hatred fills up a person's heart too. Hatred make me a human, I feel so alive to have it. Because I know that in this life, I will never able to find that very one who will love me so thoroughly and unconditionally. Never. I won't be able to find such person.
So let's find something else to do in life. Something more meaningful.