Labels: move on
This is the worst exam I've ever take. Despite that I did mug and prepare it quite early, still i flunked all the papers. I have this strong feeling that I'm gonna retain.. (hai, what can i do)
Is hard..la I know poly life doesn't suit me so does A lvl. But where can i go? Life here is pretty stress, I have to keep reminding myself that I have to get into local Uni. What a miserable life I lead.. By using HDI to measure my standard of living.. i think shld be negative.
The worst among all is those kind of unbearable disappointment... My effort juz doesn't seems to pay off. Nevertheless, I won't give up..if not I hv to leave MI.
Can anyone understand? This terrible feeling of mine.. there's no turing back and i don't have e courage to finish it. It wldnt be that bad if my input=output, however that's not the case.
All this juz make me think that I'm stupid.
Seriously, there's no way i can endure this.. it's driving me insane!
Labels: move on
Tvb drama Male artist ranking(top 5)
Supreme position: Raymond Lam 林峰
2nd: Sunny 陈锦鸿
3rd: Steven 马浚伟
4th: Kenneth 马国明*
5th: Bosco 黄宗泽*
*choice chosen is purely for consideration, it may vary.
The handsome(靓仔) ranking (top 5)
1st: Raymond Lam 林峰
2nd: Daniel Wu 吴彦祖
3rd: 宋承宪!!!
4th: Eric Sun 孙耀威
5th: ammm...
Mine Mine
I like: swim, sing, cycle and (看帅哥)-applicable only when I'm free and in a gd mood.
I hate: all sorts of troublesome matter, oranges and messy room.
Favourite line: 有益身心健康!
Focus: Studies! I don't wanna retain..but it's hard
Dreams: to have one..
What do you want the most now: do know what i want..
What are you most afraid to lose now: family, my precise 3 frenzs and myself..
What do u want to say NOW: 1)Karma and retribution, they have find their way here.
2)Dear cousin, I'm utterly disappointed wif u.
3)Annie! U are going to meet ur dead end soon.
Labels: move on
My mum told me that my cousin has a bf.. everyone was worried about her safety. Well.. my this 18 yrs old cousin.. lived in KL.. we seldom contact but she kind of like idolize me... so these typical adults think that my words should carry some weight... (hey i dont think so lol)..zz so i gave it a try and sent her an e-mail.
Hai.. what kind of world is this.
Today was a bit sway la.. My creative electronic dictionary's battery went flat! I still tell janice tat it wont hahaha...zz OMG, i was doing my MT paper 1 half way. I hate my stupid action.. guess wat i did? I hv to dig out the bat and put it back again.. and each time only last me not more than 20 sec. I hv to key in fast and memorise the words..arrr idiotic hahahha
Then my childish GP teacher tried to scare me by coming out of no where in the bus stop..zz ya ya he succeed.
What a day.........
Labels: move on
I know i shouldn't be saying this, and I know I should give some contribution. But I joined not even a month.. and you shld know that i hv stage fright yet u put me on the table!
Ok, I'm not angry bcoz i have to do this. But I'm furious bcoz u nv seek for my permission or I shld say u inform me after everything was fixed (What is this? absurd!) Some more..u informed me thru email? (dont u think tat's too much?)
***********************************************************************************
I juz found out that it is juz an misunderstanding...the end
Labels: move on
This time round sure die... I really hv no confidence for all my H2 n H1 papers!
MYE..zzz
Labels: move on
I've truly understood what does doom mean. Yes, I've met my dead end.
No one is gonna pity me (i don't need it anyway).
Yesterday:
Completely broken down and lose control, I think I'm sick.. mentally sick.
I have zero confident for almost all my papers.
I'm not being negative.. but this is really what i think and how i felt.
I'm very tired.
It took me a hard time to accept the fact that I've lose what I've fight for and yet i have to fake a smile, a laugh whenever I c them. The most irony part is they say I'm a nice frenz (yea "nice" one huh?)
When I got back home.. I tried to get some slp before I start mugging. Even at this critical moment, I CANT EVEN GET SOME PEACE!
Totally depressed, i cld no longer hold on.. i pushed everything down frm my desk then I fall and hit the floor. Tears just keep flowing as if it will nv stop.
I turn around and hit my head against the wall, one time..two time then i stopped. Trust me..it wasn't pain at all..but I know it wldnt solve the problem. Laying down staring at the ceiling.. it seems to be spinning.
Spin and spin and spin..it seems to be asking me who m i? Can I behave like a kid? Allowing me to throw my temper and run away...pls, bcoz i cant breathe.
A sharp pain deep inside my heart relive my hate. I'm trying hard to resist, not letting it to destroy me.
Perhaps I'm juz feeling stress after all.....
I was doing my math revision last night(everyone was asleep). Kind of like a bit bore... so I stood up and do some stretching. My room was stuffy, so I went to my living room and sat beside the window. Wah the breeze was so refreshing, the air was filled with scent of nostalgia.
Then, I remember something which I had already forgotten long ago.. Actually I once secretly admired a teacher in my sec school when i was in sec 2. hahahahha(rayy..I neo u gonna ask me who rite?)
Aaaaa... that wasn't what I want to say today.
On the 4th of Dec'07, I packed my stuff and decided to leave this place(for good). Hmmm I went to my grandma house at Ipoh.. Well I can't stand sitting in the bus for so many hours. Still, I decided to go even if i had to endure the journey(c how determined I am!)
At that moment, I hoped to go somewhere where no one knows me. Though it is a forlorn village-no much entertainment, it has the simplest way of living. No worries there, only my cousin's laughter could be heard. All I did was just sleep, eat and play.
At there I don't have to pretend. I chased dogs, anyhow throw rubbish, cycle around, scream and shout..hahahha life there was so simple.
But I know.. this kind of life doesn't suit me at all. Coz I'm a greedy girl, I won't be resign living my life like this.
Things which has happen had happen. Just like my trauma, no matter how long ago it is, the fact that it has hurt me won't change. Well, I learn how to control my emotion now..at least my tears.
Honestly, I can't cry neither can I smile. All I can do is sigh.
Actually, it shouldn't be a problem. But then... I think I have a slight phobia of making decision. Take the japan trip for instance, 50% of the reason for not going is bcoz... I don't dare to hand in the application form. hahahah absurd isn't it?
And... I have a wish since O lvl.. that is go Marina bay fly kite!! Probably I'll go there on my birthday if I have to celebrate it alone (provided that it doesn't rain) lol. + take photos.
Today
My elder bro is in hospital.. currently stil checking the problem.
I ate egg tarts(damn long nv eat, i love it man!)
Hv to get back to work...zz ARRRRRR god!
bye
Labels: move on
Ever since last year's "last entry", I've never mention anything about us. I have this sudden urge to write my feelings down because I want to cherish the memory of our seven years. (Is not easy, isn't it?)
I think we have some misunderstanding last night.. though is just something minor, I still feel very uneasy. Hmmm I don't know whether do I really understands u or perhaps is u who don't understands me. Worst still, we don't really know each other that well.
Sometime i feel great having u by my side, but sometime zzz. I wouldn't say that we went through thick and thin but probably we faced ups and downs together. In my heart, I promise to share bliss and misfortune together. (that's a lifelong promise!)
You probably won't know that how important you're to me. I treat you just like my own family, whatever good news i wanna share, the first one that came across my mind is you. ZZ my mum say.. there's no true frenz in this world.. I hope to prove her wrong!
I've never been in a relationship before, but I'm pretty sure that maintaining a friendship can be equally or perhaps far more difficult than anything else.
Come to think about it, I do believe in fate sometimes. At least it brought us together. Maybe our fate is just like the Earth...(it's round) hahahha I can feel the chemistry between us, I think not many of them tried before. That's affinity, so sometime I'm so afraid that i might loose it.
However, no matter how close we are, conflicts still arise. Well, without argument it is not a "normal" kind of friendship. By the way, we got to know each other in the first place is all because of argument... that's why I said that our fate is round. Hahahaha everything seems to be destined.
We are so alike and yet we are so different. Alike as in both of us wanna be different(don't wanna have the same taste as others), different as in we don't wanna be alike. Hahahahhahahaha but still we share some common identities.
Our chemistry lies within our thoughts instead of our taste and preferences(that's too superficial). Our unique way of communicating(through quarreling) light up my life (prevents me from getting senile dementia). Nevertheless, words can be harsh sometimes. Ammmm luckily we still know when to stop.
I wanna say:
-Is you who make me realise that this world is still wonderful and
-Is you who make me realise that the most painful things is not falling out of love but losing a true friend.
I maybe thinking too much but i seriously felt that two person with similar personalities shouldn't be together... still, I won't give up in maintaining all these. Coz it's very very rare to find one.
I admit that I'm the more sentimental one but that doesn't mean I'm being emo. You won't be able to see what i wrote here.. though this is dedicated to u (and i hoped that you wont see it). No one can predict the future, perhaps all are predestined, and till the day we have to part for whatever reasons.. I won't forget you.
Labels: move on
That which does not belongs to me, I don't want.
That which does not truly belongs to me, i don't want.
That which I once give up, I won't pick it up again.
I despise those who are indecisive. This action can never be condoned.
I guess u have forgotten the dignity you once lost and the pain u once suffered. You said that you wanna get it back.. PROVE IT THEN, PROVE IT!
Stop looking at the photos, it wouldn't make any much of the difference. Once gone, it's gone forever.
Ya.. move on girl. Pls.. believe that bad luck won't be with u forever.
Go back to the very innocent u. Where u once filled with no hate and love.
Back then your laughters could be heard.
To all my dear lasses,
If u're in the midst of don't know what to do. I suggest why don't we do nothing.
Things will sort it out itself.
New motion photos uploaded in "a different me in a different space".
Labels: move on
Woke up in the morning... oO it's finally 9th of June! Went to sing K with my buddies.. then we took some neoprints! It's been yrs ever since i last took it n long time nv play until so CRAZY.Perhaps that's life.. full of both enjoyment and disappointment. I hv a better taste of it now.
I think I shall be grateful to the one who broke my heart, the one who forsake me, the one who treat me badly and the one who make me exhausted. Thank you. U make me realisethat the Earth still spins even without ur existence.
Labels: move on
Ytd was a gd day.. hahaha i went shopping with my family n i bought a lot of stuff. A pair of short, a pair of shoes and most importantly....a SLR camera (canon 450D)! Wah though my dad promise me to get me one, i didn't expect tat it wld be tat fast hahhaha. Not only tat in addition, i bought a 75-300mm long lens. It cost more than $1600 in total.
Perhaps it is really time for me to settle down and ponder carefully. It is kind of funny, ammm weird and indescribable. When i tot my life was in a mess n everything seems to be opposing me then a ray of light can be seen somewhere. When i tot i hv everything, n i wanna protect it.. i was so afraid tat i might lost it.
Is failing to see what's given to me, my main problem?
Why m i always tat unsatisfied with what i had? (bcoz i'm greedy?)
Zz... i don't know.. but only stupid people drive themselves to the corner (庸人自扰).
I still had a lot to learn.
Labels: move on
Is story time again..
SCV is now showing Heart of Greed(糖心风暴), I watched this drama since last December.
Particularly, this drama has a total of 40 episodes. I think i cried more than 70% of e total. In this drama, quite a lot of scene are very impressive. Especially the part where the big wife die.. haizz
Alfred's death
In this drama there is a sentimental love story filming Lam Fung(Alfred) and Zhong jia xing. He keeps a foot in both camps, in the end he regretted but it was too late.
The touching scene..
To make up for what he did, he assisted her in her career. But he's always in deep thought while driving. Without realising that the traffic light is red, he dashed across n got hit by a taxi. His car overturned n he crawl out frm the car. He refused to go to e hospital and went to look for a phone booth. He wants to tell her that he had an idea how to win the lawsuit. After he finish what he had to say he starts to bleed and die.
Before that he kept a journal on "The days without her" and he wrote something like ( the 267th day without her) n so on. Can u imagine how traumatic it is? hahah but that's drama.. such thing wont happen in reality.
The song VINCENT.. describes how i feel in that month. Bcoz i was at the stage of healing, that's why I'm sensitive to everything.
Whenever i hear this song, a mood of melancholy descended on me. How can i ever forget the pain i once suffered and the agony i had. Never. It will always be there, juz like a signal warning me to be alert.
It's June, flowers start to bloom juz like e one outside my room. It symbolise hope and telling me that another yr had juz passed. I muz look forward.. bcoz i neo and I'm sure that many surprises, chances or perhaps miracles are waiting for me. I'll try diff angles (perspectives) to look at things (setbacks), juz like how i pick myself up.
Though e agony i once had is an unchangeable fact..(well time wont reverse), one has to grow up. Perhaps my dream of living a secluded life may come true one day...
N if i had nv been thru all this.. i wont neo that i'm a lucky one hahahha.
My friends(close one ^^) all say that i have many things. Indeed. Maybe the only thing I've lost.. is learn to be content with one's lot. I hv to look for it.. (wait for me) hahaha
oO ya i went to cut my fringe.. it doesnt suit me at all. Look like mushroom(yummy), hahah but i'l stil cut bcoz i wan a diff look. nite
Labels: move on
When i was young, i love to collect musical box. The most common music found was Fur Elise. However, I don't like tis song bcoz i find it very scary. As time passed, i gain my interest n i find it pleasant to ears. That was bcoz i didn't get to hear the other half of the song until one day i got e chance to do so. From then on i know tat prefrences changed under diff situation, juz like one's character.
In pri sch, i was a soft speaker. I dare not to speak up not even if it was at my disadvantages. There was once i got accuse for something n got scolded by one of my pri sch teacher n i cried. At tat moment, I think i failed to know how to protect myself.
In sec sch, I told myself is time for a change. I spoke up and tried my very best to do well in every task I'm given with. Still, i got bullied by my classmate n once again... i cried(i think I'm juz too naive). I don't hv confidence in doing anything..I wont open my mouth to speak even if I'm posted with a qn to ans n guess wat i got for my remarks?(reticent).
Zz.. Slowly, yrs pass. My confidence fall frm zero to negative. Inferiority complex arose in all aspect. I think i'm juz a very average student with no attention given to.
No one ever realise my existence n it appears tat i'm insignificant. (I had enough of it.)
MI, a place which brings me hope n disappointment. Teachers n friends here r totally diff. Frenzs here are juz too friendly.. n in a way tat i find it fishy perhaps with hidden agenda. This place taught me how to socialise, it also put me on guards not to trust anyone so easily.
Still, i'm one with no confident. But some of the teachers here kept giving me chances to prove myself. They trust me more than ever(which r pretty diff frm my previous schs). In their eyes, I'm a polite and diligent student(found in remarks not assumed). This is e image I've set up, which i wish to maintain.
My inferiority haunts me no more when i attended e public speaking course. When i stand on e stage, i had the attention i yearn for long. Though i nv win the competition, i found my charisma.
To my parents..
I tried to be a gd girl. I don't smoke, drink and involve in any fights and disciplinary matters. I don't talk back and i follow my dad's instruction tat no dating is allowed till i graduate.
So they seldom ask me how m i doing. No matter how well or poor i did. No compliment and scolding. I can only console myself tat they trust me......
Some friends (ain't tat close) said tat I'm too polite(overdo i guess). I carry on with this concept tat if u treat others nicely so will e others. This is another image I've set up, which i wish to maintain.
However, i begin to lose myself.
The more i wanna keep something the more I'm afraid to lose it. The more i wanna prove tat I'm not worthless n stupid, the more i stress myself. I don't neo what exactly am i trying to prove..n who i want to prove to. Is it myself or e others?
No matter wat, all i want is a recognition, n i'm not resign to be a average student.
