Labels: stolen love
I think I deserved a slap. Perhaps I've forgotten the hatred I once felt, making me not resigned to my "fate". I remember very clearly whatever that turtle Saw said, it's so unbearable. Embarrassed, humiliated, unfairness, helpless and being underestimated... became my driving force last year while taking my A lvl H1 examinations.
I cannot deny that I'm a greedy gal. I know my thinking are often quite extreme. I set targets which myself couldn't meet. I'll stress over my poor performance, I'll hate myself even more if I make the same stupid mistakes again. I'm pretty aware that ppl around me think that I'm asking too much from myself. BUT, just as I've stated..I'm a greedy girl.. I wont be resigned to what I've now..never will I.
It's such a pain, do you know how tired it was juz to show to others that I'm capable, I'm independent enough..I CAN DO IT! WHY? Do I need a recognition from others? I don't know. Maybe I'm doing it out of spite.. Maybe I'm doing it to show myself I'm worthy.. my own value.
I couldnt really express out how disappointed and unhappy I am with myself. At this moment, I couldn't see what I've. All I know is what I don't have and I want it!
My wildfulness and impluse to do things out of spite...hahah brought me upon this state.. There's no turning back. Whatever it takes! U either study or u die.
My value... where and what is it? arhh I hate myself.
Labels: stolen love
The air is making me sick! No wonder city dwellers have shorter life span.
UPDATES
Urmm currently trying set myself into FULL revision mood.. A bit hard coz I'm still quite slack..but I'm trying. The air is making me sick! Sore throat, flu, eyes infection and tooth ache.. gosh.. they form an orchestra and it's driving me crazy. The last dental check up was an annoying one. After several stupid tests and taken 2 x-rays.. The dentist could not detect what's the problem with my teeth. Fed up. What to do? haix.