Labels: stolen love
It's been raining for days and the same goes for my mood. Things are getting out of hand. There are many things which I really dont like doing but.. haix this feel really sux. I can feel the tension now, I wonder when will the rubber snap. I lost my appetite since last week.. I know I have to eat something bcoz I have to hang in there, even though there are times I feel like vomiting..I still tried to force food in.
I wouldn't want to waste my 3 yrs in MI and get a cert that doesn't bring me anywhere. I've alrdy lost a lot of things..and all I want now is to protect what I can control. Whatever it takes.. nothing matters now.
Labels: stolen love
This few weeks are quite hectic, especially after my hibernating season is over. Life is pretty hard when everything become stagnate.
Hmmmm I once had a very peaceful and unperturbed life that was back in the 2nd yr of my schooling in MI. But it ended soonn after CNY ended this yr. I waited him for 2 yrs, since yr one till last month (just nice 2 yrs). From he was unattached till he got a girlfriend and then until he broke up. Actually I find him and his girlfriend look compatible but don't know why they still break up in the end.
Initially, I thought that the best way to forget someone is to stay away from that person. I don't even bother to say hi and I rather things just carry on like this till the day we graduate and we won't meet. However, things just don't go according to the plan.. Situation seems to change a little this yr.
I don't know why..but the things I yearn for in yr 1 seems to come true this yr. At that point of time, I only had a very small wish and that is I hope that he can look at me when he talk. I just want him to notice my presence but such simple request became a wishful thinking. Futhermore, with a series of unfortunate events that happen at the end of the 2007, I simply have no mood to think of other things. That's how I spent my first 3 months at the begining of yr 2008. I've been very meticulous and I'm very grateful that the heaven have been mercy enough to bring her back to me. I'm very content.
This kind of life carried on even until now. The only disruption that came into my life was the change I'm refering to. He became a little more friendly than I think he used to be. He actually can notice my presence hahaha BUT too late, this is yr 2009 not 2007.. this wasn't what I wish for anymore. I was thinking...hmmm may be this was a chance meant for us to make friends. We maintain as friends though not very close.
I'm not trying to be picky but I have a bottom line. Whoever wanna be friends with me, they MUST not cross my bottom line! I think the only thing he didnt change was telling lies. Actually it's neligible but I wonder why do I still bother. LOl whatever it doesnt concern me but I didnt know that he actually collaborate with my another friend and tgt happily trying to con me. I tried to convince myself that this is juz an misunderstanding.. but sorry I tried very hard but I cant. I wonder how come he himself doesnt like other to gossip and will even get upset bcoz it wasnt real YET he did this to me. It wasn't a big deal but I have no intention in carry on making friend with this personbut i wont make it tat obvious, perhaps let just try to keep a distant. Be it unintentionally, so? The outcome is the same..it hurts.
Love should be something comfortable, makes you happy and feel blessed. Ever since I knew him, I wasnt happy at all. Since it is so painful..there's no point to carry on. Anyway our feelings ain't reciprocal. Even as a friends...hmmm also not sincere at all. I'm very tired, I dont wanna deal with such things anymore.
Affinity was the word I find it really hard to interpret. Since things turn sour this yr then y shld it happen in the first place? He msg me out of the blue one night. Hmmm he said it's been a long time since we last msg. So I asked him how long is long and he answered more than a yr. Indeed, it is more than a yr but actually it was 2 yrs ago. I thought that 2 yrs ago will be the very last time that I'll be msging him but weird things do always happen. This time round I'm pretty sure that this wont happen again coz I got nothing to talk to him.
It took me quite sometime to untie the knots and I finally got an answer for this qn-Since things turn sour this yr then y shld it happen in the first place? It's not for me to forget this person but to learn how to put down. That's the right way and it's the only long term solution. I dont hold any grudges now.
My friend and I have this thinking. We believe that we'll still be single in the coming 20 yrs and so. I don't know how strong it is for her.. but for me..this feeling is very strong. Nvm la, I still have a lot of things that I can do.. hmmm I'm indenting one that last for a day kind for show purpose if my parents start nagging nxt time. haha single also not bad ah.. quite carefree haha
Finally, I've vomit out all these that stuck in me for e past 2 yrs.
Labels: stolen love
I'm not a victim.. I used to say this to myself, whenever anything unpleasant happens. This is an good opportunity for me to have a gd look at what sort of friends I have. I have tons of hi-bye friends.. I have a number of chit-chating friends.. I have a few close friends..but I only have one approachable and always ready friend. I'm grateful.
Hmmmm I signed up for e standard charted half marathon this yr. I don't enjoy running but Senior actually ran the full marathon in yr 2007. I think there's somehow a connection in between. urmmm I just wanna do something he do before haha. I dont neo y la.. but my admiration for him hasn't fade.
Haha I'm silly I know, but it's this kind of feeling I can't forget bcoz it's too comfortable haha. I don't care whether has the latter been forgotten or only the former lingers. Haha at least now I can really dont bother and only concentrate wif my work.
hahaha I think...not only I really know what I want in my life, I'm certain about it. I think that carefree and peaceful mind of mine is back. I feel unperturb now. WaH i think I have progressed to another level. Bravo.