Labels: move on
This month is always full of thick and dark clouds. I spent my everyday at the near by fast food restaurant to study for my A lvl. Fromm early noon to night at least 6-7hours a day. Ya.. i think this maybe the only and last time i'm being so hardworking. Armm.. I really put in a lot of effort.
Well.. man proposes, god disposes. I was extremely depress and very unhappy when my math papers were over. It seems like the end of the world, I cant help keep reprimanding myself for being so BLIND. So I wore specs for my every paper then.
That whole week I was thinking which sea should I jump which river is the best.. what is e most appropriate way which is less pain and easy to die? Then another half of my brain was having a hard time memorizing my geog.
I dont feel like a living being, it seems like a wound being cut open and it's still bleeding but u wont feel the pain. It's like u're cover with wounds but u dont have the time to feel the pain. Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding.. u neo???
I find that it's meaningless to carry on with life like this. So finally i took another approach. Smile and let it go. No matter how fake my smile is how unbearable the results are. Just smile and let it go if not my life would have end here.
p.s I wont mention that I'll jump sea anymore. I promise.
Labels: move on
I couldnt help but keep having this negative thoughts. Didnt I tried? Math was my best subject among all. That paper wasnt tough but yet terrible careless mistakes add together can bring a B grade student to a D. Juz one decimal which I accidentally key wrongly.. 7 marks gone. That's one grade! my fault???
Tell me.. having DDE or worst than this... where can it lead me to? I belong to SIM?(die..i really think i'm heading towards there).
Why is it that whenever I think that I'm very close to what I'm getting.. I'm almost there.. I'm seeing the light yet the heaven seems so cruel that he wanted to take everything away from me. I'm so close to it.. so close and now everything is gone.
I'm better off dead coz I wasted my 3 yrs in MI. I confirm my grades wont be better than EDD. haix.. I really feel like dying now.