Labels: move on
I am traumatized when my friends found out things I don't want them to know. That's precisely we are close. hence I felt that somethings are better to keep mum. Therefore, I chose not to talk about the reason why I hate him so much. I don't know.. perhaps I just refused to admit or I am still running away from it. As for now, I don't know who is tracking my blog but whatever I typed here are definitely unconcealed.
They are a bunch of nice friends and they look amusing when they ask me to pour my sorrows out. They tried two attempts. First, we had a hotpot session up till late night in the midst of their prelim week. We talked through the night but we ended up gossiping about others hahahaha. For the second try, which was 2 days ago, we were suppose to support a friend's friend stall at the flea market but we ended up having a heavy dinner in a Korean restaurant. We ate BBQ meat and I believed the three of us went home full of contentment-our stomach.
Both attempts were a flop. I do appreciate their efforts and I tried to push my emotions out but I just simply don't feel the agony at all. Have you ever tried eating an expired can food? It turns sour, the original flavor/taste is gone. This logic applies perfectly onto my situation. Think about it, how long had my affliction expired? ( more than a year) Simply put, the freshness is gone. I no longer feel the pain.. I still feel a little upset though but that's it, nothing much.
Today, I went out with one of my close high school friend. I couldn't believe she broke down in front of me during our dine out session. That's the first time I see her crying in front of me! Poor her, she had some conflicts with her long distant cyber boyfriend which I 100% disapprove their relationship. After listening to her part of story, I think I understand why she choose to indulge in this obviously won't have any ending relationship. At least she could cry it out, I can't, idk why.. I just can't squeeze any tears out. But if i were her, I won't choose to lie to myself, I rather face the facts.
So if I could choose all over all again, I believed I wouldn't have pretended that nothing happens at all. Being a fake is too tiring, I would rather be true to myself. Perhaps that's why 2010 was a less tedious year. I sincerely hope my hatred could cease one day, even if it might take/will take a longer time, bit by bit, it's alright. Till the day comes where my hatred for my nemesis is drained, then I shall become a gust of wind.
I came across this ; 由爱故生忧，由爱故生怖。若离於爱者，无忧亦无怖。
(It means our worries and fears are because of love. Especially when we can't let go of someone we truly love. Hence, once we leave the one we love, our worries and fears will be gone.)
I've already gave my blessing to my nemesis and from that moment onwards we are no longer related in anyway. I don't wanna know a single thing about him and I don't want him to know mine either. So long as we don't run into each other anymore, nothing matters. I will take it as I never know this person, take it as I loss my memories.
Did we even met in the first place? I must be having a nightmare. And I'm glad that it is just a nightmare. I'm awake now.
Alright night