Labels: quandary
"For they could not love you
but still your love was true and when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night. You took your life as lovers often do;
But I could have told you Vincent, this world was never
meant for one as beautiful as you." These are my favourite lines in the song, Vincent.
Read through some past entries that I've wrote a year back. Some repeated stuff are lost of dignity and making the wrong decision. I'm glad that I've gotten my dignity back coz I no longer dislike myself and well this is the final year.. is too late to regret.
I found this in one of my post "I'll get on with my life.. say "hi" to myself every morning. Rmb to eat regularly, concentrate on my studies... keep myself fit and good looking(hahaha).. brace myself up if I met any failure again. and be more careful if I ever injure myself again. say happy birthday to myself, merry Christmas.. etc" (feb 2008)
But I only managed to get on wif my life...
"No one can predict the future, perhaps all are predestined, and till the day we have to part for whatever reasons.. I won't forget you." ( our love June 08) Damn I don't even rmb I once wrote this. I think I must be quite emo that time hahaha. Anyway there's a slight improvement. After 8 yrs of being tgt.. we can recognise each others' footsteps! We are looking forward to our 10th anniversary ^^
zz Sian Brain drained. bye
Labels: quandary
Hardly see any stars in the sky.. Well, guess I can't sing Vincent anymore. Frankly, this is my happiest month in MI coz somehow I see some results but I got this hunch that I can't maintain it. Hmmm sian~
It actually makes me feel worst when ppl say I'm doing gd coz it just make me think even deeper on why ain't my parents saying anything. ARRRR say something can? anything? but none. Forget it.
Recent updates.
Currently life is simply and carefree coz I'm being myself, ya I don't hv to fake anymore. I'm doing things I like, studying subjects which I love, hanging out wif frenzs just that I don't get to watch the drama I want lol.
Ok just for ur info basically, nothing much. My life is quite peaceful currently. Time to off the lights
Labels: quandary
I have this idea stuck in my head for quite a few weeks. Perhaps the lesson learnt which brought sorrow and agony to my life in that two and a half months was already an indication to me that how I should live my life.
I had enough of disappointment. I can't bear the pain to see anyone leaving. It seriously reminds me how lucky and fortunate I was to have all these. Though I don't get the love I truly want from my parents and the one I like, I came out with another way to divert my pain, anxieties and desires.
I'm thinking about how to contribute to this societies not only through donating but with my strength. Conditions in the third world countries are really horrible urmm and places like India also. Many don't have homes, suffered from famine and natural disasters. Maybe I would join the Non-government organisation (NOGs) to help out somehow. Well this is just my primary idea, still have to work on it.
I just want to bring warmth and hope to others and change this world to a place worth living on. Perhaps only then my existence to this world is worthwhile. Hahaha but back to reality, if I want this to happen, I have to work pretty hard coz I need sufficient money to feed myself while I'm not working LOL.
This is something I really find meaningful, I somehow found a goal to work towards to. Rather than spending time thinking about things that are non-constructive. Well, I'm still young after all. I can afford to make mistakes and learn from it. ^^
Labels: quandary
Thunderstorm arrived a month later then expected. March should be one of the hottest month but weather is unpredictable just like our life.
I hate this kind of life this kind of me this kind of feeling. I envy those who somehow being control by their parents.
Is it because I'm too acquiescence? Urmmm maybe not coz I always make my own decision. They won't prob.. never.. not at all. Let me recall.. I think e very last time they make a decision for me is when I'm in primary sch. Subsequently, I make my own decision. Which secondary sch to go, which course to take. Yea~ you may think I've a lot of freedom. You may think I'm silly, but that's not what I want.
At least they should say something wat..but nothing was mention. Many times I felt that I was left alone to face a lot of stuff.. Very insecure but somehow I'm quite use to it so.. but that doesn't mean I've accepted it!
A lot of stuff came across my mind. I know they still care for me.. but not in the way I wanted. I did think before maybe I should do some rebellion stuff then perhaps they will be more aware of what I'm doing. Urmmm I didn't in the end.. up till now. Coz is too late, I'm a big girl after all.
Regretted being too independent and too decisive in this aspect. I tried to put myself in their shoes. Maybe I'm the less worrying one, that's why they didn't pay much attention to me.
Alas! It can't be change and I'm too tired to do so. Who cares, they don't even bother, why should I? NUMB anyway. Guess my mood will be rather bad for the whole week.. hai spoilt my weekend.
Labels: quandary
My result for A lvl H1 contrasting subject which is Economics... can be described using this word "incredible" coz I can't believe I can get this grade. Well, thanked Mr Lai via SMS.. He is really a great teacher.
As usual, I gave a call to my mum to inform her. And as usual this is what she say good lol. Gosh! She spoilt my day. They juz don't care, do they? Perhaps yes but the very least. K fine.. I 've no one to share my joy with..this is not e first time anyway... Hv to admit I'm a loner.
I just DON'T get the type of "caring" I wanted. NOT in forms of materials satisfaction!!!! Ok well... perhaps I'm juz being greedy.