Labels: stolen love
I think I deserved a slap. Perhaps I've forgotten the hatred I once felt, making me not resigned to my "fate". I remember very clearly whatever that turtle Saw said, it's so unbearable. Embarrassed, humiliated, unfairness, helpless and being underestimated... became my driving force last year while taking my A lvl H1 examinations.
I cannot deny that I'm a greedy gal. I know my thinking are often quite extreme. I set targets which myself couldn't meet. I'll stress over my poor performance, I'll hate myself even more if I make the same stupid mistakes again. I'm pretty aware that ppl around me think that I'm asking too much from myself. BUT, just as I've stated..I'm a greedy girl.. I wont be resigned to what I've now..never will I.
It's such a pain, do you know how tired it was juz to show to others that I'm capable, I'm independent enough..I CAN DO IT! WHY? Do I need a recognition from others? I don't know. Maybe I'm doing it out of spite.. Maybe I'm doing it to show myself I'm worthy.. my own value.
I couldnt really express out how disappointed and unhappy I am with myself. At this moment, I couldn't see what I've. All I know is what I don't have and I want it!
My wildfulness and impluse to do things out of spite...hahah brought me upon this state.. There's no turning back. Whatever it takes! U either study or u die.
My value... where and what is it? arhh I hate myself.