Labels: move on
It's just a few metres away from the physics lab to the library, however it seems to take years for me to reach the there. Every single step taken accompanied by tears and heart aches as if it is going to rip apart. 
I heard laughter coming out from the hall. It's so absurd. It only makes me even worst. Yeah, the whole school is celebrating something in the hall. But our class "just nice" got A lvl SPA exam. LOL
After the SPA where she left, I couldn't help reproaching myself...I'm so useless.
I feel the pain because I love her. "Love brings miseries" no matter what kind of love. That's what I learnt.
I have a very WEAK heart. Seriously, I cannot take another blow. 2009 is a dreadful year. I need to survive! I probably have to "end" my life next year in exchange. I mean no life after all.
I'll vanish in front of my blog for a few months. Particularly for this few reasons.
1) I don't wish to project any left over feelings about that senior.
2) I don't want to exert my anger bcoz of that stupid turtle on my blog.
3) I want to have some time to think about how my life shld begin on a fresh new page.
Pardon me.. this may be quite a long post. Let me finish this last "emotional" post to end my 2008 coz I feel the urge to write it out.
I find myself rather silly coz there's once quite a nice person beside me for I think at least a few years. I'm not blind neither am I numb. I can feel it. But something seems to be lacking in between, affinity i guess. Hahaha we are friends now of course though... hardly contact. Some sleepless night does remind me of what that person did to coax me to sleep. Well..people do grow up don't we?. Urmm I feel somehow in debt to this person bcoz of some silly stuff I've done. Even though it happens very very long time ago but whenever I see this person I tend to feel awkward. What to do? Perhaps I really think too much but I really just want to get rid this kind of thinking. So turning down this person's offer, somehow makes me feel better. Hmmmm anyway I believe that this person will definitely find someone worth his attention. And perhaps I'll find someone that is my cup of tea. Whatever it is.. I'm very happy to have him as my friend.
And... a couple of days ago I flipped through my secondary school year book. Then I realise that my Sec school friends all look so cute. Kind of like miss those days a lot. Maybe that's what people always say.. you only start to treasure things when they are gone.
Then again... I have this hopeless feeling making me uneasy this few days. It's like holding on to a pile of sand. My desire seems to be falling off the moment I tired to grab it tightly. I think everyone got this kind of feeling especially a greedy person like me. hahahha Actually I'm very scare.. never felt this kind of fear before. Because next year is full of uncertainties. Ammm at least something is certain, that is I can be myself as I have nothing to worry about other than my studies. (and some asshole which I hate are gone hahahha)
I'm trying to hide my fear with some emo expression but actually I'm just speechless. Coz sometime staring at something can make me feel easier as I don't hv to hide my feelings from the eyes of the others. Just simply put it this way.. I can't even face myself if I were to fail again. I never have this urge for yearning something so much. I've been a coward, a shirker for quite sometime. Yeah..despair! I don't know when will I break down again.
I.... dare not even make any wishes this year coz.. I know it will only be realise with my own hands. Hai.. don't know how hectic will it be nxt year.. all I can do is to take things in my stride. Eleven months of torment have arrived.
Well that's all, New year is coming. BYE~